I am a Millennial mom raising a Gen Z daughter. I am not alone and yet it can often feel that way. Let me explain….

My name is Frannie and like most millennials, I am on a journey of self-discovery and awareness. You know the meditating, journaling, manifesting, bubble baths with wine while reading self-help books thing. That’s right I am all about self-care. But real self-care, the honest self-care when you realize your triggers and unhealthy thought patterns and you begin to make real changes towards the you that you desire to be in your head.

One major thing I have discovered about myself is that I don’t like being a mom. Yep I said it. (There goes that honesty with myself *wink*).

Now before everyone gets their panties in a bunch, of course I love my daughter unconditionally. She has taught me more about myself than I could have ever imagined.

But if I am being honest, I have struggled with being a mom. I can remember months on end when all I did was scream in frustration at my daughter about school work, her attitude, my attitude, toys on the floor, and everything in between. I couldn’t find joy anywhere in relation to being a mom.

After about a year of constant anger, I realized something should change. I wanted to shift. I began therapy and going to personal transformation workshops and reading tons of books. I was able to identify what had me so resentful to being a mom. Thoughts like, “I will never be as good a mom as mine is,” or “I had a baby for this guy and now we aren’t even together” or “I’m missing out on life because of her.” Those are just a few.

I began working through those beliefs and noticed a shift in perspective. My thoughts around motherhood changed but my actions were a little slow to the party. For instance, I am aware that to effectively talk to someone you should speak in a warm tone, make eye contact and speak clearly but I can quickly forget that when I’m telling you to pick your toys up for the 10^th time in 5 minutes. Suddenly, I can feel the old Frannie coming back. I can notice that my palms are sweaty and my anger is rising and all that self-care shit is out the window. I am not thinking about being patient, giving grace, teaching her why the toys shouldn’t be on the floor. Nope none of that. All of a sudden I am just a mom who expects her daughter to respect and obey no matter what.

Usually after that I am left feeling so guilty. I thought when you know better, you do better? I thought reading parenting and self-help books that the stuff would just click. But the reality is, it doesn’t. This stuff is an every day, every moment practice in real time. Some days will be great, other days you will forget everything and have to talk yourself off the ledge. This blog is here for those moments and everything in between. Together we will discover ourselves and raise the next generation of mindful thinkers. I look forward to humanizing motherhood with you!