This article is written by guest blogger, Aida Martinez.

I have always wondered if I was meant to be a parent. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, yet it’s one of the toughest jobs anyone can have. I am the proud mother of two beautiful girls: Ashanti, 9 and Anayla, 1. The age difference is like this for only one reason, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mother to two children. So much love to give, so much money to spend, colleges, proms, cars, all of this was on my heart and mind the day I found out I was having a baby. It’s so funny because as much as I wanted my baby the thoughts of parenting and how I will do as a mother kicked in instantly. 

During my pregnancy I was always sick and so aggressive. I prefer not to be bothered with anyone or anything at that. My daughter, Ashanti made it her business to help me out around the house, speak to me about her day, and even gave me insight on how amazing of a job I was doing as a mom with her, therefore she would have to step-up her game as a big sister once the baby arrived.  The one thing I can recall is everyone always asking me why I looked so unhappy and the truth is, I was very much unhappy. 

My unhappiness turned into depression which lead to postpartum. After having my little munchkin I was holding her in my arms like what now. I felt no connection to this child and I had no idea why. I felt so empty, so lost, so sad. During this time I was also trying to spend time with my oldest daughter. I wanted her to feel part of the family and not a part of the new family. Such a beautiful time in my life yet so much pressure at once. Reality struck me one morning when I was telling my daughter to get up for school and she yells “I’m tired MOM”. My response to her was “You better get up right now”. She jumps up from the bed and says “This new baby isn’t allowing me to sleep. I can’t do it anymore”. She glanced at me and ran into the shower. As a mother I felt horrible, because I never asked her how she was feeling about the baby’s arrival. I never asked if she was sleeping. I had put so much pressure on myself about being a new mom for the second time that I forgot to support my oldest during this time. 

I took time out to address my postpartum disorder. Talking to other mothers helped with the layers of emotions I had inside. I was able to address those issues in order to provide the foundation my girls needed for us to stay strong as a family. I developed a routine for my kids which helped me be mindful of my parenting skills and what I was bringing to the table as a mother. I first made sure to provide self-care and self-love to myself. Some parents may be screwing their faces right now, but the truth is we as parents need to make the time to love ourselves and provide self-care as much as we can to our minds, spirit, and soul. This means I make sure I take a nice shower with essential oils before I go to bed once I have put the kids to sleep. I read a book on whatever I want for the night. I mediate. I pray. I look at my vision board and remember my purpose for myself and my girls. I balance myself out before I head to bed so I can have the right attitude of love and gratitude no matter how my mornings begin. I spend my mornings now telling both my girls how much I love them, we meditate together at the start of our day. I made more of an effort to comfort my oldest child when she felt like she was lacking as a big sister. We set affirmations for our day. I started to feel less pressure about being a parent once I gave myself structure, and also the oaky to make mistakes when they are made. I realized that the fear of being a parent was always there, but I had to remove all negativity from my mind and heart in order to become the best mother for my kids. 

Parenting doesn’t come with a tool kit for a reason, because it’s up to us to maintain the balance that we desire in our children’s life. Balance can only come from a mind that is healthy, strong, and free of all fears. Parenting to me is one of the hardest jobs I was given, but the mindful part about this job is that you go, grow and glow through being a parent. 

Postpartum Resources:

National Postpartum Depression Warmline: 1 (800) PPD-MOMS 

NYC Well : 1 (888) NYC-WELL

Postpartum Resources Center of New York: 1 (855) 631-0001 

Division of Family and Children Services: 1 (800) CHILDREN

Postpartum Support International: 1 (800) 944-4778

Aida Martinez is from Brooklyn, New York. She enjoys loving on her two children: Ashanti Delicia, 9 and Anayla Joy, 2. She also loves to read and share the power of her postpartum story with other women around the world. She has been on a journey of self-discovery for the past few years. Through this amazing journey she has been able to meet Queen Afua, Queen Ester and some amazing women who are from the Sacred Woman Village that inspired her to keep pushing in light and love. Queen Afua’s book Sacred Woman motivated her to sit back in her throne and let the goddess in her glow. Momentum Education gave her the stage to tell her story and also let go of layers of pain. Through the resources listed below she was able to encounter the most knowledgeable people to help through her postpartum stages.