It’s early Monday morning. You know the scene; your munchkin is getting ready for school while you get ready for work. You’re making breakfast and lunch while trying to make sure that she gets all her things done.

“Did you brush your teeth? Wash your face?” “Don’t forget cocoa butter!” “Make the bed.” “Put on a belt.” “Pack your practice uniform.”

You’re going through your usual, ticking things off her to do list but not actively paying attention because hey, she’s gotten ready for school for the past 6 years or so by now. It’s no way she needs to be micromanaged. She mumbles a monotone “yes” to every question, so you keep going.

You look up and see its about 15 minutes to her bus and she hasn’t started breakfast. A tinge of panic creeps in. But you brush it off and calmly say, “Breakfast is ready.”

But wait, she isn’t dressed yet. Another bigger tinge of panic creeps in. Inside you scream “What were you doing all this time!” Instead of going that route, you offer to help her, and she says In exasperation “I got it Mom!” You back off because you’re trying not to be a helicopter mom, but time is still ticking.

You walk into the bathroom and notice the bathroom is in a mess. Panic is now switching over to anger.

Now its 10 minutes to her bus so you decide to check and make sure she is dressed at the table. She isn’t.

You walk into her room to get her and you see it, the tornado that hit her room. And she is moving as slow as ever to get dressed. You start to notice all the things you asked about aren’t done. But. She. Said. Yes. EVERYTIME YOU ASKED!!

Suddenly, you’re yelling and saying things like “what is wrong with you? I asked if these things were done. And why are you moving so slow? You must want to be hungry and walk to school. Ugh these are the same things you must do every morning. I don’t understand why you can’t get it together!”

Now you’re throwing things in her bookbag, mumbling in frustration and the entire morning has gone left. She slinks her shoulders and moves on to breakfast but you’re on her like a hawk now. Still going on about her being irresponsible and making things so difficult. And now a messed-up morning routine has morphed into an entire issue. You say “I love you baby” as she runs to catch her bus.

You exhale once she leaves but you immediately understand how you could have handled that situation better. Now the self-beat up starts. “She must hate me. Why can’t I practice patience? Does she know I love her? I’m really only this hard because its for her best interest.” But let’s be honest mom: do you really think continuing in this way will be best for her?

Before you answer that, think about your childhood and how that shaped and molded you into the person you are today. Remind yourself of the values you want to instill in your child. Are you parenting how you want to parent or how you were parented?

Get clear on the relationship you want to have with your munchkin. Every morning visualize the life you want to experience. Use it as a guide and choose actions that will lead to manifesting the relationship of your dreams. Set expectations and boundaries that your child can understand. Engage with your munchkin and ask what things they want to do for fun. Find time for yourself so you have something that keeps you connected to you; not as a mom but as yourself. Use all these tools (and many more) to build the relationship with your munchkin.

After all that is said and done, the most important thing you can do is give yourself an amazing gift: GRACE. Yes, amazing grace. There will be times that your old habits creep up and you’re not acting in line with what you’ve visualized. You are human and sometimes you make mistakes. The key is not to lose yourself in all the mistakes. Take them for what they are, reap the benefits of the lesson and next time choose differently. Remind yourself that everyone has a threshold for things and quite frankly you’re allowed to get angry, sad, upset, etc. at times! Today the sock on the floor may be the end of the world, tomorrow you may laugh it off. Either way, grace. Grace allows you to be gentle with yourself and your munchkin. It creates space for understanding and forgiveness. It allows you both to vulnerable with each other.

So, tomorrow morning, give yourself the gift of grace and try something different to set the tone to your morning. Play some upbeat music to get her moving. Have her help you back her book bag and lunch the night before. Lay out the uniform at night. Say affirmations as you brush your teeth. You can break all your old habits if you commit to choosing differently in each moment and reminding yourself of the relationship you want to have and sprinkling a huge serving of amazing grace on top. You got this Mindful Mom!